In our last article we talked about how to heal your self image. We talked about exploring your identity in the spiritual sense and realizing that the society in which we have been born, drafted and woven, has created its own truths that we have bought into. It reminded us that the only real way to understand who we were was to take back our power, and our right, to decide what really had worth and value in our own lives. It also called us to celebrate the miracle that we are. We spoke of having a third session on working on the self image. Instead we will go straight to working improving on your social life along with building a stronger self image.

The truth is that we can strengthen your self image by partaking of our rights to choose our associates. Of course there are times when we cant choose our associates. We cant choose our families and sometimes, if our family is dysfunctional, it is can be the cause for any feeling of hopelessness that we might have. We cant choose the people with which we work, sometimes anyway, but we can choose the religion that we believe in and close friends.

If you have been doing any of the previous exercises you may realize that you are beginning to change. As you change the system around you is probably doing all that it can to stop you from changing. People are addressing you and treating you as the person you used to be. They are resistant to you changing. Take a good look at all of your friends and family members. Note your religious institution, if you have one, and how it functions. If you find that any of your friends, family members, or your religious institution is contributing to your feeling of hopelessness and depression, put distance between you and them.

Im not saying to cut your friends and family off completely, what I am saying, however, is that you dont need to invest much time in the ones who are destroying you. Seek out friends who care about you and support you. Whether they are the glamorous popular people, or people that others cant stand, if they support you become friends with them. Most of the time we pass by many people who could be close friends. We have the media image in our heads of what a person should be. We are persecuted because we are not that person, but at the same time we persecute others because they are not that person and bypass them as friends. These people could be the best friends that we have.

If your family is dysfunctional choose good friends and look to them for support. You can also work to find clubs or groups with similar interests as yours. You can do this through your school, or through religious organizations. Find the ones that support you most and invest energy into being with them. Let the others go. The last thing to do, which may be hard for many of you to hear, is to look at your religion. If it makes you feel bad, guilty or miserable all the time, even if you are doing all they say you should to the best of your ability, dump it.

A religion is supposed to give you wings to fly, not push your face down in the dump. If you need to find another religious group, look for another congregation, or another group who meditates or whatever, if you group is a downer. There are many churches that call themselves liberal churches. They seek to live the life that their prophets put forward without trying to take on the burdens that men have added to the simple truths of the religion. They dont put down, castigate and they are not overly exclusive. If you can find one of these groups with solid footing, not one that throws anyone out or castigates one who questions their beliefs (such an organization is a cult), become part of that group.

Have as many friends that you can from diverse places so you dont get dependent on any one group to supply activities and friendships for you and you will find more joy in your life. The main things is to chose your friends well.

Let us go over what we have discussed in this journal entry. First, If your family is dysfunctional and keeps putting you down and keeping you depressed, be friendly to them, but dont depend on them for support. Cut them off and seek support elsewhere. Secondly, select healthy friends who will support you in your efforts. These friends can include people with like interests from clubs, from the neighborhood, from religious institutions, or anywhere else. When you choose them make sure that you choose them because of the condition of their hearts, not because they look like the media image of what a good person should be. Thirdly, find some spiritual home, even if it is meditating in your own room. If you are involved in a congregation or religion that keeps you depressed, get rid of it and replace it with a community that is both freeing and healing for you. Have several friends from diverse places so you wont be dependent on any one group or institution.

As you do these things your self esteem will grow. Your awareness of yourself and other people will and you will begin to see the vastness of the world and all of the opportunities that present themselves before you.

In the next article we will make suggestions on how you can improve your social interactions with other people. We will explore how you can expand the behaviors that you want to keep, and how you can purposely let go of the ones that you dont want anymore. If this is the first article you read please check out our Practical Spirituality Journal at www.dswellness.com.