1. Pick your battles. With the kids, over clothes, food, bath time, and friends; with your Ex over child support, child rearing, and visitation; with Public Service Agencies over paperwork, caseworker attitudes, benefits. Finally with your extended family over living up to their expectations and holidays.

2. Prioritize your life. Decide on five important areas in your life (i.e. yourself, children, career, social life, church, volunteering, etc.). Put them in order from most to least important and within each area decide what activities you normally engage in, then prioritize. If it is not a priority, say no. Decide later if it is worth adding to your list of priorities.

3. Stay Focused. Set goals. When you get sidetracked get back on track. Post your goals, daily routines, and appointments where you can see them.

4. Ask for help. From trusted family and friends with the children, automobile maintenance and repair, occasional financial obligations, and limited decision making (advice)

5. Talk out your feelings. With trusted friends or a counselor. Bottled up emotions will eventually explode. Get them out ASAP!

6. Step back when overwhelmed. It is better to walk away for a little while than to stay too long and overload. Know when to say when.

7. Take a day off (forget responsibilities). Its okay to take a day for yourself. If you feel too guilty, take a half-day. Those few hours will do wonders for your soul. Use the time to pamper yourself. When the mommy feels good, everyone else feels good too!

8. Have dreams, set goals. Life without dreams can be hopeless so dare to dream. But dont just stop there. Set attainable goals and remember to note the details of those goals in the process. The when, where, and how of the goal will keep you on track in your effort to reach them.

9. Maintain friendships. Friends are so important. Dont forget the old ones and never be afraid to make new ones. They enrich your life and help you remember that you are still an adult. Another important thing about friendship is learning how to be a friend. There is trust, loyalty, and commitment involved and you must possess these traits for long lasting friendship, but it is worth it.

10. Realize the freedom you have. Being a single mother gives you so much freedom. You make the decisions and you dont have to answer to anyone. You can pick up and go when you want to (with careful planning) and you are free to be or at least discover who you are as an individual. Take advantage of your freedom.

Next time we will look at the remaining 10 secrets of success as a single mother.

Copyright 2006, Samantha Applewhite