You spend half of your life getting banged around from pillar to post but you won an Olympic Gold, Silver, or Bronze medal.

For every second of your event you spent months or years of having sore muscles and injury pain.

You risked your life flying through the air in an unnatural way.

You froze your butt off on the ice or snow-covered slopes.

You ran a zillion miles and jumped and shot and curled and danced and did what you had to do to win.

But you've got your medal now and you will have it close to you for the rest of your life. You may even be buried with the medal around your neck.

Who knows?

Once you have your medal, you have to decide when it is proper to wear it. You don't want to look pretentious, do you? Here are some guidelines on when and where to wear your hard-earned Olympic medal or medals:

1.During the Olympics you never take it (them) off. You don't want it stolen while you are in the shower, do you?

2.After you get home, you wear it around the house. When you go to bed, you leave it on. You can take it off while you shower but you DON'T HAVE TO.

3.Some women like to wear their medals in the nude while they are vacuuming the floor or dusting the furniture. Some men like to wear their medal in the nude while playing horseshoes in their own backyard. It's all a matter of taste.

4.Always wear your medal if you are going on the radio or on television. The host will ask to see your medal.

5.You will want to wear your Olympic Medal when you speak at the Kiwanis Club, that Boy Scout Court of Honor, or at the local PTA.

6.When you visit the grade school, junior high school, the high school or the local Christian School, you will want to wear your medal. The kids will want to touch it, so take a polishing cloth with you to wipe off the smudge from their grimy fingers. If your medal is silver, make sure you have a silver polishing cloth.

7.While walking your kids in the park before the kids turn twelve years old. After they are twelve they will want to know why you are wearing the medal. Always tell them because you won it. If they are embarrassed, leave them home on your next walk in the park.

8.If your boss or someone you respect says something cruel to you, say, "I'm an Olympic Champion and you shouldn't talk to me like that." Open your shirt or blouse and pull out your Olympic Medal. That should leave him (or her) begging you to accept his apology.

9.Wear your medal or medals while traveling by land, air, or sea. Everyone will assume that you are on your way to an Olympic event of some kind. If they ask always say that you are indeed on your way to an Olympic event and would they like to hear how you won your medal.

10.The bottom line is: If I had an Olympic Medal I would NEVER, EVER TAKE IT OFF.

The End