Bob is a good-looking single man in his forties with gentle eyes, a neatly trimmed silvery beard and a deep, relaxed voice. He shared with me his experiences with relationships and how he met other single women. Mostly, he met single women through friends and co-workers. Then, a familiar refrain surfaced in our discussion.

Bob has a friendship with "a nice woman" who likes to invite him over for a meal and just talk. Granted, women love to talk. (It's even better if someone listens.) However, that was the extent of what this woman wanted to do. She didn't care to engage in an activity such as playing chess or cards. She just wanted to talk.

Bob and I then discussed the importance of enthusiasm for life. "I'm interested in meeting women but I don't want to meet someone who just wants to stay at home and do nothing," Bob admitted. "I like to do different things."

I have noticed that older single women are usually busy with their jobs and perhaps their children or parents. The daily routine of earning a living and caring for others can drain a single woman's imagination. Her world becomes narrow as she focuses on the needs of others. It takes effort to carve out time for her own personal development but I humbly submit the following: If you want to find someone interesting, you need to be an interesting person yourself.

Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi, author of Creativity : Flow and the Psychology of Discovery and Invention, examined what happens when time seems to stand still as a person is deeply involved with an activity. It could be writing, sculpting, research or sports. He defined this unawareness of time as "flow." I believe when we connect with what excites us, we find flow.

I have artistic talent. I devoted more time to it when I was younger and I began my college days as a graphic art major. However, I ended up switching majors and my art fell along the wayside. Years later, I decided to take some drawing lessons to resurrect my talent. The lesson was two hours long.

When I first started, those two hours were excruciatingly slow. I felt awkward and impatient. I was afraid the talent I had was now forever lost since I had abandoned any discipline to improve it. Then, after my third class, something wonderful happened. I lost track of time. I became absorbed, focused. I was actually enjoying the time instead of feeling as though it was my duty to succeed. Not surprisingly, that was when I did my best work.

Just because it's been years since you've seen the inside of a classroom doesn't mean your learning is over. There are classes and workshops to investigate, outings to join, events to attend - all add to our own personal essence. We need to ask ourselves more often, What excites me? And then, find a way to do it.

Dating does become more challenging as one ages. Since I coach single women over forty, I am on a perpetual search for ideas and insights, especially from a man. The majority of single men I've spoken with have told me that passionate, energetic, enthusiastic women are by far, the most attractive. When you find what makes you enthusiastic, not only are you living a far more luscious life; you become irresistible to others.

Find your enthusiasm and increase your chances of finding someone to share it with you.