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Home –› Society & Communities –› Humor & Fun
 

For The Love Of Raspberries

 
Author: John Dir
 

In the kingdom of childhood relationships, Gary carried the mantle of authority and leadership amongst the children of the block. He was fond of seeing how far he could stretch his rule, and testing to see how devoted the little people of this territory were to his suggestions, no matter how ridiculous the request. Gary had a real knack for convincing others to do stupid things, while making it seem like a perfectly reasonable suggestion. One afternoon, while playing in the back yard, a neighbor boy named Steve, noticed the nice ripe patch of black raspberries growing beside the garage. Unfortunately, Steve happened to mention to Gary how much he loved raspberries, which instantly provided an opening for exploitation.

"Oh, you like raspberries a lot?" asked Gary, sinking in the hook.

"I love 'em! They are my favorite fruit. Can I pick some?"

"Well, I don't know about that," replied Gary, as he cooked up his plan, "These are some pretty special raspberries, and my parents don't like us to pick them. I suppose I can let you have a few of them, but if I'm going to risk getting into trouble for picking raspberries, I want you to help me with a little experiment."

Having been duped many times before, Steve was suspicious, "Experiment? What do I have to do?"

"Your part is easy," said Gary with confidence in his voice, "I'll pick the raspberries, and all you have to do is let me see if I can flick them down your throat without touching your tongue. Do we have a deal?"

Steve thought for a moment, trying to figure the odds of this experiment going right with each attempt. He was not sure about the consequences, but his love for raspberries tilted the decision in favor of going through with the experiment. After Steve agreed to participate in the "experiment," Gary went to work in harvesting a select handful of ripe berries.

Before the experiment began, Gary explained the parameters to Steve, "All right, my task here is to try to flick these berries down your throat without touching your tongue. If I miss, you are allowed to chew up the berry before you swallow it. Do you understand the rules?"

"Yes," Steve answered, nodding his head.

"Okay. Open your mouth; now stick out your tongue as far as you can. Tilt your head back a little. There! That's perfect. Ready?"

"Uh huh."

Using an adept thumb in an action much akin to shooting marbles, Gary began flicking his handful of raspberries down Steve's throat with excellent marksmanship. As each berry hit the back of his throat, Steve made a pronounced "Goom!" sound as he swallowed the fruit without being able to chew it at all. As the pile of precious fruit began to dwindle, Steve started to lament how successful the flicking experiment had turned out to be. When Gary reached the last berry in his hand, Steve closed his mouth, rubbed his throat, and raised an index finger in a point of protest.

"Please, do you mind if I taste just one?"

"Well...Okay; here you go, Buddy," replied Gary with the magnanimous benevolence that only a true leader can display. He handed Steve the smallest berry from the bunch, and ensured himself a place as ruler of the kingdom for the times yet to come.

 
 
 

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