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Home –› Society & Communities –› Humor & Fun
 

Expert of Experts: Things HE Didn't Tell Neale About Mankind

 
Author: Drew Kittinger
 

DK: I read the other day that pound for pound, or maybe it was volume for volume, ants occupy around the same biomass as humans.

Theyll be around a lot longer, too.

DK: Are you saying were on our way out?

Of course. Everything is, isnt it? Im just saying ants are more consistent and resilient, like trees. Theres a reason. Theyre in the business of relating to what is while humans are all about altering what is, and not particularly to the benefit of the other beings around them, themselves included.

DK: Pretty sad isnt it?

Not particularly. Kind of funny to watch, though.

DK: That doesnt seem so friendly.

Are you kidding? Is it not an act of love to enjoy the fullness of a creatures actions, even if it means its self-destruction?

DK: Thats pretty dark. I mean, its kind of true, but still, you sound like you dont care.

Just as much as you.

DK: Maybe that is a little scary. Sometimes, to be honest, I dont. I mean we humans are into the most ridiculous things.

Ever check out stupidvideos.com?

DK: Sure.

Picture yourself watching that 24/7 for a couple hundred-thousand years and youll get an idea of what its like for the likes of me to watch the likes of you.

DK: Point well taken. Why do you let that sort of thing go on? Never mind. You dont let or not let anything. I read the first three books.

You must consider yourself an expert by now.

DK: Must you be snotty?

My bad. When I apologize, I usually shower riches upon someone. In your case lets just see if we can get you maybe fifty new readers.

DK: Hey, Coolthats awesome!

I knew youd like that.

DK: Of course you did. You know everything.

Not quite. Knowing has nothing to do with it. If I knew like you guys knew then Id be like you guys are, and I cant be that, I have to have a much more broad experience: All of it, as a matter of fact. If I occupied my time thinking, like you do, the whole shebang would be a whole lot more miserable than it is. While youre down there looking up here as if I were creating the whole mess, Im up here looking down at what an exquisite mess youve created.

DK: Blamer!

I said exquisite, didnt I? Its good to listen, too, Drew instead of flying off the handle, just like a human.

DK: Hey, Im proud of being a humansometimes. You sound like you dont like us very much.

Not trueI love you entirely as much as you will let me.

DK: Now thats scary!

Scared is not part of my picture. This is a big Cosmos, if youve noticed. The only attention I give you is when you call on me. Youre doing that all the time, but in the larger scheme of things, youre the only (and extremely miniscule) part of the Universe thats trying to get my attention.

DK: And, basically what youre saying is were just going about trying to get the attention of ourselves.

If you would turn to each other like you turn to me, I could get some rest.

DK: Hah! You dont need restGotcha!

When you get a chance, look up the word metaphor in that Funkin Wagnells dictionary you talk about. Basically, everything else, and I mean everything is cool just being what it is.

DK: I noticed that the other day. I was watching a spider spin its web. Just kept on doing the work. It was amazing!

They have no need to think about what theyre doing or how theyre being used unfairly by the wind. No need to unionize so they can get paid by the web-inch. Everything else doesnt even need to know what its about. It just is, from the smallest to the largest part of it.

. DK: Were high maintenance, arent we?

Valley Girls pale in comparison. But considering the small part of the whole that you occupy, its not an issue with me. Proportionately and especially in terms of time most of what youd call my energy is focused on different things of which you are but one, very small part.

DK: You mean were not the crown of creation?

Spread the Word!

 
 
 

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